exams are over. i'm tired so hence the lack of excitement

i need this break to put myself together again

i feel so different from who i was when i left america

got some books to read from orchard library

i haven't read a novel since july :/

aaaand i think i may be moving to wordpress cuz i like the layout better

but we'll see:)

Labels: frivolity, musings, vacation

12:11 AM



numbers

trying to be remotely productive. progress is slow, and hitting 4000 words is far reaching for now.

had 2 lattes this morning which made me really wired, spent an hour-ish travelling from work to school, stayed for all of 5 minutes because the project was finished by the time i reached, and went home.

attempted to sleep, but failed terribly because the kids in the school next door were learning how to sing deepavali songs, and construction was going on, but somehow i must have fallen asleep somehow and woke up just before six.

and now i am seriously contemplating if i should get that gorgeous dress from anthropologie together with that top i have been thinking of for about a month now but that would set me back by $240.

plus there is the stila palette on sephora along with all the other goodies that will come with the promo code i received in my email yesterday.

Labels: musings, school

11:03 PM



life got in the way.

he had to leave the country today due to some family emergency, and i didn't get to meet him as we planned. wanted to rush to the airport after i got off work (i'm doing something part-time for 2 weeks) but i couldn't get him so i didn't know which terminal to go to or what time he would be boarding. and in my hurry to get out of the office i clicked on arrivals instead of departures! *sigh*

went home and cried so bad...i don't think i've cried so much in 2 years but i was rather devastated at not getting ot see him before he left (his original flight was tomorrow night). eventually got to speak to him but i was wracked with worry and i was missing him so much. i was so tired on top of that having had to wake up at the ungodly hour of 7am for work...should not have sacrificed sleep for work. hmmm. so for the entire afternoon i tried to sleep but got restless so i went online in search of temporary stress relief, repeated this cycle twice till 6ish, gave up and went to shower.

after that he finally called and it felt so good to hear his voice and know that he's landed safely, everything's alright and he will be back soon. he left in a hurry and didn't get to pack much stuff. we had a nice long chat...felt reassured and comforted but he sounded down. i know he feels bad for making me wait for him but i don't blame him for anything and i don't mind waiting for him - i'm committed to this relationship, i'm happy with him and i'll be by his side no matter what.

have got an assignment that is filling up much of my post-dinner time...in a way it's good as it takes my mind off things. i'm trying to plough on even though i just wanna have a break since i've just finished a spate of assignments as of last week and am so tempted by the latest ep of gossip girl. so much readings to do, so much material to consolidate for the paper (i always think more is better) and so little time to make it work.

Labels: love, musings, school

11:32 PM



it seems that this blog is getting stale and negative but it's not as bad as i make it out to be.

most of the assignments are done for this semester, all that's left are a 4000 word essay and and editing the 1 minute video, both of which are mammoth tasks but i am glad that i don't have to spread out my attention over a few things at once.

over the past few weeks i've stopped lounging on the bed/sofa watching TV after dinner and i haven't been "studiously" watching the shows i've downloaded. i've even gotten lazy uploading photos to facebook! *lol*

i've been spending absurd amounts of time in front of the computer though i suspect much of this time is spent looking at stuff other than work, like, checking out Etsy/Anthropologie/Forever21/Shopbop (and many other shopping sites on a lower frequency) in addition to the usual blogs i read, and in place of the tabloids I'd read at Gossip (in Seattle) on Thursday afternoons over a cup of pudding milk tea (Us Weekly, Star) there's now Just Jared and ONTD.

sleeptime's gone from 1 to 2am and i get annoyed by myself for waking up at 10ish, sometimes 11, because half the morning's gone and there's so much i could have done in that span of time.

i also drink 2 cups of tea everyday, have 2 eggs for breakfast, indulge in online retail therapy (4 bags and a clutch on Etsy in 2 months! and an F21 top), treat myself to Gossip Girl/Prison Break/The Hills whenever i can squeeze it in without feeling guilty, stocked up on M&S biscuits for late night bites, and am currently reading Project Smitten which is a lovely new local fashion magazine despite not going shopping ever since i got back.

i have developed an aversion to orchard road. crowds are overwhelming and frustrating. and shopping here is overpriced.

in the month since tony's been back we've managed to find some nice quiet spots far from the maddening crowds. he's going off soon but i have exams and mugging books is always a good activity to do in place of feeling lonely and lovelorn.

Labels: musings, school

12:07 PM



exorbitant!

tony and i were shopping around in holland village before dinner today, and we stopped by antipodean, one of my favourite shops there for its pretty frocks. the store has been carrying alot more accessories and jewellery lately and i was checking them out when i noticed the terribly jacked up prices.

1) there was a simple long multi strand necklace made entirely out of glass beads retailing for $189.90. if the necklace were made out of semi precious stones, i would totally understand but glass beads? it looked classy because it was mostly black and the design is still in style, but it is crazy to spend so much when it is not worth it at all.

2) i bought a pendant off etsy for USD8.00, with shipping it came up to about USD10. i was amazed to see that pendants from that etsy store, with chain added, retailing for SGD40.

3) again, i bought some vintage cameos off etsy, 6 for USD15. the store was carrying vintage cameo necklaces of the same design but in a smaller size. each necklace had a charm in addition to the necklace and was retailing for SGD48!

i am not against making profit but it's just incredible to jack up the prices so much. those were just necklaces with simple designs, i saw others which i thought the prices were justified. even if you factor in the workmanship i don't understand how it can be so expensive.

i love buying charms and cameos online and making them into necklaces for myself, and i love buying accessories too. over time, my knowledge of supplies (and how much they really cost) has increased, so i am now more wary before forking out large sums of money for something which does not have a justifiable price tag. so the important thing here is, know what you are paying for!

Labels: musings

2:16 AM



no way jose!!!

so i'm sure we all heard the news that jose mourinho has parted ways with chelsea. they're using all kindsa benign terms out there when we all know it wasn't a mutual thing.

anyway as much as i dislike chelsea and jose's blustery/cocky ways are really annoying, one has to admit that with him gone the premier league (i hate the new acronym!!!) is gonna be a little more staid...i mean it's one of those can't live with him can't live without him kinda scenarios. the guy brought colour to the game, upped the competitiveness, started feisty feuds with the other clubs, sent tempers flaring..he was quite a character. and (this is coming from a man u fan)...i must admit his presence will be missed.

Labels: musings, sports

11:51 PM



re-reading old journals - now that's something i haven't done in awhile.

i don't have exactly alot of free time on my hands, but it was only because someone whom i don't know commented on something that i wrote like, a few years ago, and i started going through my old entries.

my previous writing style's quite unlike the current one, with proper, longer sentences which are more conversational and have more details. i seemed to watch alot of tv shows (i was really into felicity and gilmore girls back then), music, shopping, food, and soccer too, as seen from my ramblings. i was preoccupied with school and BOYS *rolls eyes*. and circa 2003, i dreamed of going to faraway places, and of going overseas to study.

so finally, 4 years later, i sort of fulfilled my 16 year old dream, and grew up alot.

Labels: musings

12:37 AM



attempting to complete this week's finance tutorial was distressing as i didn't go for lecture and even though it's all down in the notes, i can't quite make sense of it. i'll probably have to view the lecture online sometime later. ever since school started i've been finding it hard to motivate myself to get down to doing my readings and giving serious thoughts to ideas for projects and assignments. i'm quite content coming home from school each day, making myself a cuppa tea, watching tv or using my laptop for hours on end...doing whatever necessary readings need to be done before a class. it's kinda hard to go out with friends seeing as how everyone's busy at the start of school and everyone's schedule is different. and most of us are giving tuition or working in our free time.

life couldn't get anymore mundane, could it? i'm still trying to get used to all this blahness.

Labels: musings, school

10:27 PM



the d word.

lately i've been thinking about death and what it feels like to die.

it started last sunday with the rally speech and this whole cpf & retirement issue. if the minimum age for cpf withdrawal age were raised from the current age of 55, and considering the life expectancy of people nowadays, it would mean that you would not be around for long to enjoy the remainder of the fruits of your labor, or, god forbid, you would not be around. so i thought perhaps the government needs to have more faith that its people will not fritter their earnings away carelessly and accord them with more freedom to do whatever they wish with their salary, or allow them to start withdrawing their money at a younger age so they will have more time and options to enjoy their life while they can.

then it progressed to thinking about how people (increasingly the young) die in the most unexpected of ways, like in a car accident or a marathon. which has been in the news recently. it didn't have to happen, but it did, and does everything happen for a reason, which in these scenarios there doesn't seem to be.

and i've been thinking of what it is like to be taking your last few breaths, to feel your grip on life slip away slowly, knowing that you will only exist in memory but not knowing what happens to you after. the most fearful thing for me would be harboring regrets just before i go, because oftentimes it is hard to live each day as it were your last. we get so caught up in the little things we forget that it's the big picture that matters. and at our age it's easy to think that we have a long way ahead of us, so we can take our time getting to wherever we aim to be and doing whatever we seek to do.

it's so incomprehensible yet a harsh reality.

Labels: musings

7:39 PM



l-d.

it's real. i can't see it, but i know it's there, because i can feel it.

we're real. i can see you, not face to face anyway, but in a window on my computer screen. your image gets blurry and grainy sometimes, your movements lag. i can see you, i can hear you, just like how you can see and hear me too. i can see and hear what's going on around you. and i wish i were really there, sitting opposite you in the cafe while you write your paper.

you're right in front of me, but i can't feel you, and that kinda hurts. that's what leaving a gaping hole right now - your presence and your company.

i want to be there, when you start grinning or breaking out laughing and your eyes light up, when you're deep in concentration as you do your readings, when you drive your car, when you're walking down the ave with your hands in your pockets, when you're having your grande caramel macchiato or italian soda with half and half (no whipped), or passionfruit bubble tea, when you wake up in the morning, or when you show up at my doorstep.

just not here.

closeness, that's what i crave right now.

Labels: love, musings, reminiscence

12:38 AM



i give myself too much stress, it's a bad habit of mine. now that the school week is over, it wasn't half that bad as i imagined it out to be. another bad habit - i gripe way too much. but i'm on the mend and keeping it to myself because of aforementioned reason (it comes out sounding awful) and really, there are more important things to worry about so i should learn to stay zen when shit happens.

i find myself falling back into a routine again, which strangely is comforting. it consists of going to school, coming home, relaxing/doing homework, going to bed, and the next day it repeats itself. but then again this is singapore not seattle. oh well.

the new and final (i think) season of the hills started on monday. yes it is a reality show and i am unabashedly hooked onto it. for me it's addictive and i love how it portrays LA and seemingly sucks you into that bubble - the glamorous hollywood lifestyle, the sidewalk cafes, exclusive nightclubs, swaying palm trees, chillax californian vibe, dressed down but expensive designer threads, gyms and yoga centers, juice bars, pink berry, coffee bean and urth caffe, the pricey pretty pieces of real estate in beverly hills...i love the city. or rather, pockets of it. santa monica, venice, west LA. in spite of the fact that sometimes what you see is just a facade.

Labels: globetrotting, musings, school, usa, wanderlust

10:28 PM



murphy's law

hit me in full force today. i'm quite the emotional minefield right now. today i've been mostly frustrated annoyed exhausted flustered worried and helpless. but then whenever i'm sounding out the current bane of my existence to someone else it comes out as totally trivial and not worth the gravity that i invest it with. it's fleeting but right now it's preoccupying my mind and it just serves as another reminder why school here has become such a dread.

Labels: musings, school

10:56 PM



mutter.

i'm not particularly keen on school right now. first week lectures can be so redundant - i'd rather read everything in the handouts they give with all the course information. and i wish everyone would stop asking me about school.

all i can think of at the mo' would be indulging myself in frivolous pursuits.

cleaned up my room a li'l bit more tonight. progress has been extremely slow because after awhile all that dust got to me, affected the sensitive olfactory system and my sinus blew up yet again, and the pounding headaches came back. one more reason why i miss america - such shit never happened. that, and the fact that i'm still not adjusted to the stifling heat, that i can't find decent bubble tea, or a good cuppa joe, or japanese cream puffs, and those perfect tiffany blue skies with poufy puffy clouds.

also, i'm discovering the wonders of webcam, which i've never tried before.

Labels: musings, school

11:34 PM



work work

for five hours on friday, i was a receptionist. relatively easy but also rather mindnumbing, since it was just answering phone calls and dealing with incoming/outgoing mail. meaning i spent most of the time reading/surfing the net.

lately i've been thinking about office jobs in general, but i know i wouldn't want to be stuck in one on a long term basis. cuz i get restless really easily and i need something that keeps me on the go, something more purposeful than doing the same thing day after day. something that gives me epiphanies on an almost daily basis, where i can continue to learn and grow. and i need something that requires extensive use of my cranium ie needs creativity. i've always wondered how people manage to wake up every morning and go through the same routine, how they go through their duties day after day, for months or years and not be tired of it all. that is, apart from the necessity of having to sustain an income to support a family. i am also wondering how far passion can take you in this society.

at 3am, it's far too unsuitable to be losing any sleeping over, considering how i have 2 more years of university to plough through. but it is something that will be on my mind constantly, since 'tis the season for applying for PI (professional internship).

Labels: musings

2:45 AM



a slow moving day, as are most days post clubbing. i've chosen today as the day in which i start filling up my wardrobe again. the bedroom overhaul has come to an abrupt stop following the weekend and i need to get it done before school starts. speaking of which i am not looking forward to school at all considering how, in mel's words, i haven't consolidated everything from the past 7 months, especially, for me, in the emotional and mental sense. there's just so much to say, write about and ponder over, the catharsis hasn't come yet, the words are just forming in my head, the thoughts swirling around...and third year begins on monday.

i'm just not ready.

Labels: musings

2:12 PM