attempting to complete this week's finance tutorial was distressing as i didn't go for lecture and even though it's all down in the notes, i can't quite make sense of it. i'll probably have to view the lecture online sometime later. ever since school started i've been finding it hard to motivate myself to get down to doing my readings and giving serious thoughts to ideas for projects and assignments. i'm quite content coming home from school each day, making myself a cuppa tea, watching tv or using my laptop for hours on end...doing whatever necessary readings need to be done before a class. it's kinda hard to go out with friends seeing as how everyone's busy at the start of school and everyone's schedule is different. and most of us are giving tuition or working in our free time.

life couldn't get anymore mundane, could it? i'm still trying to get used to all this blahness.

Labels: musings, school

10:27 PM



the d word.

lately i've been thinking about death and what it feels like to die.

it started last sunday with the rally speech and this whole cpf & retirement issue. if the minimum age for cpf withdrawal age were raised from the current age of 55, and considering the life expectancy of people nowadays, it would mean that you would not be around for long to enjoy the remainder of the fruits of your labor, or, god forbid, you would not be around. so i thought perhaps the government needs to have more faith that its people will not fritter their earnings away carelessly and accord them with more freedom to do whatever they wish with their salary, or allow them to start withdrawing their money at a younger age so they will have more time and options to enjoy their life while they can.

then it progressed to thinking about how people (increasingly the young) die in the most unexpected of ways, like in a car accident or a marathon. which has been in the news recently. it didn't have to happen, but it did, and does everything happen for a reason, which in these scenarios there doesn't seem to be.

and i've been thinking of what it is like to be taking your last few breaths, to feel your grip on life slip away slowly, knowing that you will only exist in memory but not knowing what happens to you after. the most fearful thing for me would be harboring regrets just before i go, because oftentimes it is hard to live each day as it were your last. we get so caught up in the little things we forget that it's the big picture that matters. and at our age it's easy to think that we have a long way ahead of us, so we can take our time getting to wherever we aim to be and doing whatever we seek to do.

it's so incomprehensible yet a harsh reality.

Labels: musings

7:39 PM



texas hold 'em.

on friday night i learnt how to play poker, won quite a bit and didn't really know why. it is addictive:) then on saturday i had lunch at lao beijing with the cousins, came home and crashed for 2 hours. i tried doing my biz finance tutorial but i don't know what's going on in there.

and now it's sunday again. i hope i get to bake cupcakes later.



2:30 AM



the secret

took a day off from school because i wasn't feeling well. spent most of the day in a daze but after some rest and doing nothing in particular i'm much better.

yesterday the cuz and i watched the secret. it's filled with cheesy lines and it's got a twist towards the end - quite an average movie but not half bad for a directorial debut. i was also introduced to nydc's mushroom pizza which is, one of the best pizzas i've ever had. and that's saying alot considering how it's just mushrooms and cheese on top together with this amazing cream sauce the contents of which i can't make out.

i think i shall sleep early tonight.

Labels: flicks

10:59 PM



fash bash



there, saturday went by just like that. it poured for the most part of the day, right when i was about to step out of the house. which translated to my having to book a cab and then no thanks to heavy traffic, racked up a heft cab fare.

genny and i were headed to fash bash and while we did not end up with any fabulous purchases like $5 hermes scarves, we had each other for company (which translates to alot of fun and craziness) and scored a goodie bag with awesome treats inside. i loved fash bash the first time i went there last year and i was really excited about it after reading the list of vendors, now it's just too crowded and the new space is too crammed. and there were way too many overpriced accessories.

post bazaar was lunch at miss clarity cafe. i'd a bacon and sausage pasta casserole and my clarity staple, the bread and butter pudding. came home, snuggled under the blanket and slept the rest of the afternoon away. which was really quite a waste cuz saturdays are precious but ohh the weather was dreadful.

now it's time for supper (milk, chocolate, muffin) and a book:)

Labels: gal pals, nosh, retail therapy

11:48 PM



l-d.

it's real. i can't see it, but i know it's there, because i can feel it.

we're real. i can see you, not face to face anyway, but in a window on my computer screen. your image gets blurry and grainy sometimes, your movements lag. i can see you, i can hear you, just like how you can see and hear me too. i can see and hear what's going on around you. and i wish i were really there, sitting opposite you in the cafe while you write your paper.

you're right in front of me, but i can't feel you, and that kinda hurts. that's what leaving a gaping hole right now - your presence and your company.

i want to be there, when you start grinning or breaking out laughing and your eyes light up, when you're deep in concentration as you do your readings, when you drive your car, when you're walking down the ave with your hands in your pockets, when you're having your grande caramel macchiato or italian soda with half and half (no whipped), or passionfruit bubble tea, when you wake up in the morning, or when you show up at my doorstep.

just not here.

closeness, that's what i crave right now.

Labels: love, musings, reminiscence

12:38 AM



i give myself too much stress, it's a bad habit of mine. now that the school week is over, it wasn't half that bad as i imagined it out to be. another bad habit - i gripe way too much. but i'm on the mend and keeping it to myself because of aforementioned reason (it comes out sounding awful) and really, there are more important things to worry about so i should learn to stay zen when shit happens.

i find myself falling back into a routine again, which strangely is comforting. it consists of going to school, coming home, relaxing/doing homework, going to bed, and the next day it repeats itself. but then again this is singapore not seattle. oh well.

the new and final (i think) season of the hills started on monday. yes it is a reality show and i am unabashedly hooked onto it. for me it's addictive and i love how it portrays LA and seemingly sucks you into that bubble - the glamorous hollywood lifestyle, the sidewalk cafes, exclusive nightclubs, swaying palm trees, chillax californian vibe, dressed down but expensive designer threads, gyms and yoga centers, juice bars, pink berry, coffee bean and urth caffe, the pricey pretty pieces of real estate in beverly hills...i love the city. or rather, pockets of it. santa monica, venice, west LA. in spite of the fact that sometimes what you see is just a facade.

Labels: globetrotting, musings, school, usa, wanderlust

10:28 PM



murphy's law

hit me in full force today. i'm quite the emotional minefield right now. today i've been mostly frustrated annoyed exhausted flustered worried and helpless. but then whenever i'm sounding out the current bane of my existence to someone else it comes out as totally trivial and not worth the gravity that i invest it with. it's fleeting but right now it's preoccupying my mind and it just serves as another reminder why school here has become such a dread.

Labels: musings, school

10:56 PM



brunch at ps cafe.







a national day brunch at ps cafe with genny. we shared the coconut and caraway waffles that was topped with sauteed bananas and bacon, and a slice of chocolate pecan pie. i was rather fascinated with the pretty tea cup - white with pink banding and gold swirls. the food was good - although i wasn't sure that the price was justified.

Labels: gal pals, nosh

6:01 PM



miss clarity cafe




a late dinner on wednesday night with some secondary school friends. bangers and mash followed by bread and butter pudding at miss clarity cafe. damn their main courses are filling, but there's always room for their warm pudding, which i never fail to order on each trip there. it is that good.

Labels: gal pals, nosh

5:56 PM



mutter.

i'm not particularly keen on school right now. first week lectures can be so redundant - i'd rather read everything in the handouts they give with all the course information. and i wish everyone would stop asking me about school.

all i can think of at the mo' would be indulging myself in frivolous pursuits.

cleaned up my room a li'l bit more tonight. progress has been extremely slow because after awhile all that dust got to me, affected the sensitive olfactory system and my sinus blew up yet again, and the pounding headaches came back. one more reason why i miss america - such shit never happened. that, and the fact that i'm still not adjusted to the stifling heat, that i can't find decent bubble tea, or a good cuppa joe, or japanese cream puffs, and those perfect tiffany blue skies with poufy puffy clouds.

also, i'm discovering the wonders of webcam, which i've never tried before.

Labels: musings, school

11:34 PM



wilting in the heat. all black for the first day back at school. i need my english module, but as usual admin is slow. i left my camera at home for the first time in 7 months. i'll take an icy cold shower, curl up in bed with a book, immerse myself in someone else's story and conflict, and forget my own for awhile.

just hold on. soon it will be over. let go, let go, let go - you are so much more than this.



6:04 PM



emo.

here it is again, that dreaded time when school reopens. tonight's particularly difficult for me because i feel that pang of loneliness knowing that he's not beside me, knowing that he is in a different school in a different continent, and knowing that i would rather be in that school, not because of him because i truly loved my 6 months of studies there.

it doesn't help that i'm listening to sarang haeyo.

:(

Labels: love, reminiscence, school

11:36 PM



tiong bahru market.





after church with the parents. char siew rice & soya bean curd & min jiang kueh. also my sunday staples of soya bean curd and teh.

Labels: nosh

11:24 PM



oosh.









perfect cosy spot for chilling out. live music. delectable, but diminutive desserts.

Labels: ambience, nosh

12:38 AM



work work

for five hours on friday, i was a receptionist. relatively easy but also rather mindnumbing, since it was just answering phone calls and dealing with incoming/outgoing mail. meaning i spent most of the time reading/surfing the net.

lately i've been thinking about office jobs in general, but i know i wouldn't want to be stuck in one on a long term basis. cuz i get restless really easily and i need something that keeps me on the go, something more purposeful than doing the same thing day after day. something that gives me epiphanies on an almost daily basis, where i can continue to learn and grow. and i need something that requires extensive use of my cranium ie needs creativity. i've always wondered how people manage to wake up every morning and go through the same routine, how they go through their duties day after day, for months or years and not be tired of it all. that is, apart from the necessity of having to sustain an income to support a family. i am also wondering how far passion can take you in this society.

at 3am, it's far too unsuitable to be losing any sleeping over, considering how i have 2 more years of university to plough through. but it is something that will be on my mind constantly, since 'tis the season for applying for PI (professional internship).

Labels: musings

2:45 AM



i had 4 eggs today which is probably a bad idea.

my attention span this afternoon was terribly short - while unpacking my clothes and folding them i would run off frequently to watch the telly even though there was nothing good on. i did manage to get it done in the end, and for the first time ever, nicely sorted out everything (casual/dressy).

finished watching victoria beckham: coming to america. i happen to like the beckhams but this one was just painful to watch because it seemed so scripted and unreal. it was a nice fashion parade though.



11:52 PM



a slow moving day, as are most days post clubbing. i've chosen today as the day in which i start filling up my wardrobe again. the bedroom overhaul has come to an abrupt stop following the weekend and i need to get it done before school starts. speaking of which i am not looking forward to school at all considering how, in mel's words, i haven't consolidated everything from the past 7 months, especially, for me, in the emotional and mental sense. there's just so much to say, write about and ponder over, the catharsis hasn't come yet, the words are just forming in my head, the thoughts swirling around...and third year begins on monday.

i'm just not ready.

Labels: musings

2:12 PM



i'm acutely aware of the days as they pass, unlike before, when everything was a blissful blur.

went shopping for a bag today after the rain cleared, armed with shopping vouchers. came away empty-handed, and while i am picky about what bag i want, i'm sure of how i want it to be, and the feeling has got to be right when i lay my eyes (and hands) on it. after all i am gonna be carrying it around alot.

i bought fran though, haven't eaten them in awhile. still can't find them elusive strawberry kitkats. so when on futile shopping trips like these, i get myself some grub.

slept the rest of the afternoon away and just polished off two of the egg tarts and more soya milk. mmm yes i'm thoroughly enjoying sampling so much more food with my newfound appetite. :)



5:53 PM